Had a busy day, so feeling a bit better. I find the more i do the less i think. That is actually a good thing. Not that i agree with people who just keep themselves busy to ignore there problems. I am dealing with my problems, but sometimes theres those walls where you cant change stuff and you just have to find a way to get on with it. Praying alot.
Try stay positive
So suddenly sinking back into depression, but trying really hard to get out of it. I think the thing that is hardest is that people just dont understand. People want you to be happy and uplifting all the time, and to be honest im probably not easy at the moment. Keep finding myself being irrational and jealous and just sort of mental. I dont want to be like that, and i know thats not trully who i am at the end of the day. But i feel like a sinking ship and all i can do is throw myself down and just beg god for help, pray he shows up in my life to rescue me. I am trying to stay positive, i know that being negative and all those bad thoughts swirling around in my head is whats keeping me down, and those little thought turn into big problems. Theres so much good in my life and i wish i could just concentrate on that and just be greatfull.
being me aint always easy because..
Im suffering depression. I know it, ive been here so many times before, and i was doing sooo good. Then suddenly that slippery slop starts, like a horror movie you watch and you know something bad is gonna happen but you cant do anything to stop it. You just have to watch as it happens. It starts with something little, an unhappy thought, and inconsiderate friend, and then that little thought gets in your head and becomes bigger and bigger. Then you start feeling panicky, and unable to function. I started to cry an cry and cry and still could cry right now. I find talking to people hard, i dont want to eat and i could sleep all the time, but often my mind is going over and over everything and i drive myself crazy and cant sleep.
I know its not right, i know i can do better. I know im not rational. But i feel like a slave to my feelings. I wish i could do better, i wish i could be a better person. A few weeks ago i was doing good. i loved my life and was happy, but then some how i ended up back down here. Now i just have to figure out how to get back up to happy again.
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