Try stay positive

So suddenly sinking back into depression, but trying really hard to get out of it. I think the thing that is hardest is that people just dont understand. People want you to be happy and uplifting all the time, and to be honest im probably not easy at the moment. Keep finding myself being irrational and jealous and just sort of mental. I dont want to be like that, and i know thats not trully who i am at the end of the day. But i feel like a sinking ship and all i can do is throw myself down and just beg god for help, pray he shows up in my life to rescue me. I am trying to stay positive, i know that being negative and all those bad thoughts swirling around in my head is whats keeping me down, and those little thought turn into big problems. Theres so much good in my life and i wish i could just concentrate on that and just be greatfull.